New stalking laws has been introduced into Victoria dubbed “Brodie’s Law” after Brodie Panlock was taunted by workmates at a Melbourne cafe before she jumped to her death in 2006, aged 19. She was abused by her work colleagues who poured beer and oil on her, spat on her and offered her rat poison after an earlier failed suicide attempt. The three tormentors and the café owner were fined a total of $335,000 however no jail time was served due to the current laws at the time in Victoria.
“Brodie’s Law” now enforces up to a 10 year jail sentence for anyone found guilty of bullying including workplace bullying and cyber bullying. Which is a step in the right direction however is it enough?
This is a massive issue that has always occurred in our schools and will sadly probably always be there. Recently we witnessed Casey Heynes a 15 year old boy who had been tormented for years then retaliated by body slamming the bully. This received kudos world wide and Casey was featured all over the media and even honoured by Justin Bieber. As heroic as this story maybe it is also sad and frightening to witness.
As a parent you can’t help but worry about this because we all know it can take lifetime to fix if it is at all. People die.. Kids die from this and we need to think about what we can do to fix it.
Two years ago there was another 15 year old boy who was killed as a result of bullying which sparked the post Control Your Effing Kids and here we are again with the same feeling and the thoughts.
How do we stop bulling?
EDUCATION
Why DO kids bully other kids?
Where are the parents?
What are they saying to their children, do they even know?
How do we as parents stop our children from becoming bullies?
This needs to start at home with the parents and we need to become accountable because it starts with us and what we say and what our children witness in our homes. We need to think about;
How do we speak to other people?
How do we speak to our children, do we ask or do we always use a harsh tone?
Do we keep the lines of communication open to allow our children to feel comfortable to speak to us in a non authoritative and non judgemental way?
Do we give our children affection and ensure they know it’s OK to be loved and feel loved and being loved does not make us vulnerable it makes us stronger?
THEORY
Personally I find that whether it is children or adults being tormented the guilty parties (the bullies) are insecure and are looking for a short term fix to make themselves feel better by making someone else feel worse, bad and inferior. It takes an extremely insecure person who lacks self esteem to carry out such vicious acts. It comes from somewhere deep within that chances are they aren’t even aware of and will be resentful with even the suggestion.
Cyber bullying can happen in many ways shapes and forms with children, with adults and even in business. Again it happens when one party feels threatened by another and feels the need to lash out. It maybe something obvious like a direct attack, a nasty reply to a blog post, an aggressive response to a forum or it maybe a passive aggressive response where you’re correcting them in same way or you leave an anonymous response to make yourself feel superior. Either way there is an argument going on inside yourself that no one else can hear and no one else can fix and no amount of bullying, aggression, tormenting and bitching will fix because you haven’t found your voice. You’re not singing your song and dancing your dance. Look with in and love what you see.
I would love to hear your thoughts on how we can solve this? Government, Media, Online Viral Campaign what are you do think?
What I find the bottom line with bullying – from first hand experience – is that it relates to ignorance. The ignorance then relates to society accepting such behaviour. If the bullies and the concept of bullying can be *outed* then this will start breaking down the concept and hence add to the theory and reality that the behaviour and associated outcomes are not acceptable by society in any shape or form.
Every single person thinks differently that is why bully has to be illegal. Huge community support needs to back this up.
A voice – a very strong and prominent constant voice needs to remind everyone in the community that bullying is not acceptable and is illegal.
How can we stop bullying without this voice? How can we stop the damaging effect upon families and people in all areas of life without this voice.
Here the voice, here the outrage, here the sadness and ongoing after effects of bullying. Stamp out bullying for what it is an illegal act that is detrimental to the receiver and designed to cause pain to the receiver. Let’s all pull together to stop bullying once and for all!
Wonderful words Michelle I LOVE and hear you 100% totally agree. Rx
I had a chat last week with my son’s old principle on this matter in a parenting course I am currently undertaking.
She basically said that if the child has a strong mind and is bought up not to tolerate or accept the bullying behaviour (stand up for himself/herself from the outset) the bullies will steer clear of the child and then move onto an easier target.
Given my child was new to the school in year 4, he thought he found a friend … albeit not the case at all, as time progressed. It took me over a year to work it all out and my son and I had and have a pretty good open communication. So what I say is, never think it wont happen to you or your child because sometimes you just don’t know.
Yes I do agree that it comes from the insecurities of a child (the bully) and you really need to look what is happening within the family first as with a load of other issues we face, this is a learnt behaviour or a crying out for help… All parents need to be accountable and accept that their children could be behaving in an intolerable manner.
We need to STOP this from happening, as I have also heard a load of stories of what happens within work places with apprentices.
Gidday all, we all know what effect bullying has on their victims. I was myself bullied through my life growing up at home, school, and most of my working life, and to some extent still am to this day. I will never condone bullying. We will never eliminate bullying completely. This is not being negative….just realistic. Most of us were bullied as youngsters, and most will say they see it still happening now their adults, which does scare us especially when some of us have kids of our own, although this still does happen to adults.
In my opinion, trying to educate bullies has not been working, we need to teach the victims how to react when threatened, which I surprisingly hear little about. I think a strong option is victims to investigate cognitive behavioral therapy, to change the way in how they think/react, as it’s how victims react which I feel can feed the bullies appetite. If a bully feels their actions are not having their desired effect their less likely to continue….and eventually may lose interest altogether. You can’t fire a gun without ammo. If the bully sees that their having an effect on the victim of course they’re gonna keep going, and going, until the victim snaps. This is why I feel, to some extent, we have these tragedies.
Victims often feel alone, unable to seek/ask for support. We all need to learn how to spot when this is happening to someone and offer support and ways on how to deal with it, or at the least try and point the victim in the right direction. The message in schools nowadays is “bullying is not cool”, which just isn’t enough. We all need to open our eyes as it may be happening right in front of us, and not even know, if the victim is too traumatized, or maybe even embarrassed to tell anyone.
Finally, this is only my opinion, which others may not agree on and I understand. It’s hard to know how to deal with such an old, on-going problem. There is no quick fix. Bullies come from all social economic backgrounds. Even the most innocent appearing person may be hiding a sinister side, which is why I feel the focus needs to be on the reaction of the victim…not necessary the action of the bully. After all….it’s the reaction that often determines the ultimate outcome.
it makes me really angry. The amount of stories I hear about ignorant parents who are so EGO DRIVEN that will not take responsibility for their own actions let alone their children’s is APPAULING!! Great article…. hopefully it increases awareness!
Yes bullying must end and the end must come from the beginning, childhood. I was tormented for years throughout my school days and yes at times it pushed me to the limit but thankfully I was always stubborn and would never give in and let any of them win. Years later I confronted several of my tormentors only to be met with blank stares. They had no recollection of the harm they did because they were only children when they did it and didn’t understand the damage they did in fun. Children must be taught at home to respect others and to stand up for what is right. A tall task you might say, but a child can learn anything. Their whole existence is learning as they go. Education is the way forward. Public awareness that suicide walks hand in hand with bullying must be achieved. You can make bullying illegal in the work place but what about the youth who don’t make it that far because the darkness gets them first? Do we shake our heads in shame and say what a great loss and such a waste of life or do we fight back for our children’s futures and put bullying and the effects it can cause on all the schools teaching agendas?
Jellypop- I must say I really admire how you address your son bullying, most parents would go out guns blazing but you were level headed and the outcome was great for your son. Well done and I love you thoughts.
Craig- I hear where your coming from and agree about victims need to be educated on how to deal with bullies however I still believe that bullies also need to be educated because they are unaware of the impact that they are having on people lives. I totally agree that bullies are among us in all walks of life.
Kat- Thank you and ego it is the root of all evil isn’t it.
Viv- Loved every word of your comment and so true that they are totally oblivous to the harm they have done, just love your thought process I really do.
Rx
Growing up I too experienced bullying….. as a child and as a teenager… i couldn’t understand why these girls were making my life hell…. i developed low self esteam… i was depressed, sucidal, and the friends i did have couldn’t understand my behaviour…. these bullies… picked on me on anything from the clothes i wore, what i ate for lunch,how i did my hair (i grew up in a single parent household in housing commision…my mum did the best she could with limited money i didn’t have Nike sneakers but she she did provide me with good shoes to wear) i was teased for being part of the student council and drama group…. I remeber the snickers and heckling from these girls when i was on stage at a school assembly doing a drama performance….lets just say i was so glad school finished
as i moved on to adulthood those days of school were gone and i never saw those mean girls again..i made new friends.. met a wonderful man who is now my husband and we getting prepared for the arrival of our wee little princess in june so i moved on.. but a few years ago i joined facebook got in contact with some old friends and it was a useful tool to organise my high school reunion… i got a private message from one of my biggest toementors from school this is what she wrote :
“To Dannielle,
If there was one person I owed an appology to it’d be you. I was horrid to you and have never forgotten it. Am deeply sorry. Sincerly have wanted to appologise for a long long time. I was in a bad place during those teenage years and have regretted being a horrible bully to you in high school. Again I should appologise if you have forgotten me and never thought twice of my cruel words. Bulling is not something I commonly did but do remember I did once. Sorry.
Sincerly,
Shauna”
How did i react to this… it did bring up so old memeories i was angry i wanted to write back on how much of a bitch she was and how she made my school life hell and now i wouldn’t accept her apology…there was so many things i wanted to tell her.. but i didn’t write that i decided to be the bigger person.. she may have tormented me in school but she is not part of my life now past is the past … so i just accepted her apology…. at my high school reunion there were two girls Jessica and Rebecca they where the biggest bullies in our grade…they went around to people to say hello and being polite they went to one girl she was picked on at school as well.. they said hi and she just looked at them…”Use two used to pick on me at school” and well she had a go at them obvious she never forgotten and took the courage to say what she felt…. the guilt these girls had on their faces they must of felt bad and maybe humilated they went around to all of the people they bullied in school at the reunion and apologised… they came up to me and started with there apology…i just looked at them and said “dont be an idiot it was 10 years ago let just enjoy the rest of the night”….
so i guess what i’m saying is in my bullying experience…what i have learned that for one tormentor to send me a message of apology after 10years….in the end .. they may not see it when they are teenagers but obviously these bullies will have to deal with the years of guilt the brought on to their victims…in Shauna, Jessica and Rebecca’s case they were lucky to have one of there victims to be forgiving as some bullies in this day and age with the social network like facebook , twitter, youtube and so forth and mobile phones they may not have a victim to apologise in 10 yrs time
Funny isn’t that you think you are so grown up when you’re young but you are not and you just don’t realise the impact that things have on you years to come. But it is good that she realised and actually had the balls to say it. I do believe we all have to forgive so we can move on!
Good luck Dannielle and know you are gorgeous inside and out!
Rx