You know it is my belief that everything it brought to us at the perfect time exactly when it was meant to be. As you know I was a victim of domestic violence for many years and it is why I talk about it here on Busting Out to help and inspire others that are going through a similar situation. Most people don’t talk about it both when they are going through it and once they have moved on from the abuse.
Recently I have been asked to share my story and help people understand what it is like going through domestic violence and how you get through and why you continue to stay. What can the government do to help alcohol fuelled violence?
The government as you know are looking for ways to educate binge drinking in Australia. Personally it is my belief that yes Australians are binge drinkers and it is our culture but I don’t have a problem with that. I have a problem with the violence that is associated with it however I honestly believe that all the tax in the world is NOT going to fix this problem because it is the behaviour of each individual that is the problem. So the question remains how can we address the behaviour or can we?
Or are we best to educate the women or the victims on where they can go and provide the resources so they can get to these safe houses? To get clear on the message and delivery?
Should we educate friends and family on ways they can help without “getting involved?” understandably a lot of people are apprehensive about getting involved in domestic violence situations in fear of what will happen.
Personally I found that when you are right in the thick of domestic violence there are so many thoughts running though your mind that you are unable to think clearly and rationally. You feel like:
- You’re alone
- No one will understand
- You’re scared about what people will think
- You scared about what your partner will do to you
- He has threaten you with your life or his
- You’re in love with his “good” side
- He says he will change and he loves you
- You’re scared to start over
- You don’t want him to get in trouble because you know underneath he is a nice person.
I know and I get it. Out of all of my beatings you know not once did I ever call the police and I can guarantee you that there are many more like me who didn’t and still don’t. What seems like the most logical thing to do doesn’t even enter your head and you hear people say “There is so much help for people who are getting abused” but it is not always readily available in times of need and often their phone and internet is being closely monitored by the abuser. So this is the area where the most help is needed.
I am keen to hear your thoughts on this.
IF YOU ARE IN NEED OF HELP PLEASE VISIT THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RESOURCE CENTRE OR CALL 000
Hi Renee, I believe we need to educate people on communication, their feelings and their behaviours associated with those feelings and how to respond and not react when they are angry. It is a natural human emotion to get angry, and we are allowed to be angry, it is what we do with that anger that needs to be taught to all. Bring on dealing with your emotions education in schools from a very young age. And that include Happy, Glad, Sad and Mad and all the others associated with it. Well Done for speaking out. We need to victims to step up and educate, so there will not be as many perpetrators. This goes for all abuse, physical and emotional, in our homes, in the workplaces and schools and on the streets. Will follow with interest. Cheers Heather
Thanks Heather and I totally agree education from a young age is so important and how good would it be if we are taught how to deal with emotions and it’s OK to feel certain things. It could so powerful! rx
Hi
I believe the education process for Domestic Violence over the past 20 years in this country has improved in comparison with the lack of laws in the 1980’s. I understand that as Aussies we are labeled by other countries as a high alcohol consuming culture which is part of the problem here. I have been in and survived 3 extremely violent relationships and alcohol and drugs have always played a part in the behaviours displayed by very abusive men. Alcohol and drugs allow people that extra dose of courage and normally its that courage that delivers beatings, rape and murder all of which are not accepted behaviours amongst our culture. The unfortunate problem with Family Violence is that for many years it has been Taboo to talk about simply the governments stance has been to close their eyes and pretend to a greater degree that men and women in this country are ok , but the real truth is with statistics like 1 in 3 homes in our country are affected by violence if you divide this by the overall population the statistics for what i call Australia’s darkest secret are mind blowing. As a culture we are not primitive, we dont suffer in the way 3rd world countries suffer and yes we have a whole new generation upping the anti on the drugs of the past with access to technology and have been desensitised by what they take in to their minds on a daily basis this in itself makes the problem with violence in this country & mental health almost unmanagable. . My own life experiences have allowed me to start a business which relocates women/ men & children to safety when they are surviving Family violence.We are unfortunately busy 7 days a week and work only on referral basis we cannot change a personality trait from someone who is abusive no matter how hard we try. This is where I believe the education is important , no matter how hard we try sometimes you just cant mend broken wings.
Hi Denise,
I TOTALLY agree about it being taboo to talk about, that is what I struggled with for many years because no one talked about it and we pretended like it didn’t happen. It is such a nasty way to deal with it because it festers into adulthood and/or other areas of your life. So true and I wish you well in your journey and business, if I can help in anyway please let me know. Rx
It frightens me to see how much as women will put up with from men. Or even other people. We seem to have this great need to BE WITH someone that we will take a lot of shit from them before we decide enough is enough. And, as you know Renee, it’s not just physical violence. The way we allow ourselves to be treated emotionally in relationships is just sad. We need to be taught to respect ourselves, that we are OK, that we don’t need someone else to make us feel worthwhile. That’s not what relationships are supposed to be about…
Amen to that Dorothy! So so true xxx
I agree its all about respect and making educated decisions at the first sign of mental abuse or physical abuse should be where we make our 1 st smart move and that would be to leave, so why i think we dont give ourselves the respect we deserve from the beginning is because love is so much more complex than we initially realise, and lets face it the abusive type man normally shows up on his big white horse with his charming personality and we get suckered. The basic need for every human is to feel Love and most perpetraters of violence in the initial meeting exude charm and charisma its not until the first 6 months normally have escaped us( The honeymoon period) and we are more emotionally involved than we were before thats when we see signs of Dr jeckal & Mr Hyde appearing before our eyes, and for some Bizzare reason as women our first instict is normally the denial switch , then we excuse behaviours we would not normally accept from anyone . As Human beings we should not compromise our safety , our respect and our self esteem , we should make more educated choices with our relationships and educate as many people as we can as individuals that the abuse and violence in our country needs to stop. I agree Love is not about abuse or its just not love.
Ditto to the last line!
Funny you say that about educated choices, I said to the reporter these women myself included are smart and intelligent yet in this area of their lives we make/made poor choices which is just crazy but so normal when you’re there 🙂 Rx
What can I say? A lot really but the question is where to start.
Firstly if it wasn’t for the recent practical and enormously caring nature and assistance of Denise and her wonderful and amazing daughter and her man the *driver* of her truck I would be a complete and utter mess. Whilst my current situation was not officially *domestic* violence it was to me the same – it has a different name *neighbour* violence. I still deal with and face the *same* issues – the need to relocate, the need to find myself again, the need to protect myself in a haven away from what was an unbearable situation. I faced *no one will understand*, I have faced being scared what people think, I have faced a life threatening situation.
I have dealt with many different police people this year, many of whom were terrible, appalling, and many of whom were amazing and helped me through a maze of uncertainty.
This is where the education needs to begin, I believe with the collaboration of the police and the community, with each other, with discussions online like on/with this amazing blog. This subject is a lot bigger than we all understand and there is a maze of paperwork to get through to *move away* to *move on*.
Even the so-called system that exists to protect you when you stand up and say *no way* get me out of here this is wrong fails. It is clear to me why so many people stay put; the so called barbaric service delivery system under the heading of the Justice Department is way behind in its values and the way it does and can deliver a *service* to anyone. The people in need are at best facing trauma, they are only existing, they are attempting to deal with amazingly stressful situations.
To be honest only 1 per cent of the population facing such situations have the ability within them to stand up and be counted. Perhaps this is where we need to start to become advocates on behalf of the other 99 per cent of the population that so so really need our assistance. The one per cent of the population that can make a difference must make a difference now – not next year. That is my two cents worth – so far. 🙂
Well done Michelle! And congratulations on taking action and creating a better life because I know its along road. Funny or not so funny how people have mentioned issues with Police which is just not on. Thank you so much for sharing! Rx
I agree that courts and Police could take better action in these instances but like everything this issue sits with the Government and the problem is Violence in this country has been mishandled in the country for years. I dont believe the systems in place are adequate, but if you think about it , How does a system cope with Violence out of control. This filters through all area’s of life the juvenille court systems sit on weekends to cope with the problems of violence in our younger generations, we are not just fighting violence we are fighting all of the effects associated with the domino affect that follows. Women Now lose there kids for being with violent partners WRONG !!! Perpetraters of violence lock women and children out of their homes with nothing AGAIN WRONG WRONG WRONG sometimes they are left to wait for a year with nothing. The laws in the country have variables TOO MANY infact. For instance in marriage in qld women are not protected against rape there are no laws to protect women from rape in marriage in our sunny state but have protection in every other state against this crime … I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT WITH A PREMIER OF STATE ( WOMAN) that this would be the first law to be re written… Umm apparently she must have forgotten to speak up for us on that one pretty sad when the push against violence is ignored by a woman in charge.
WHAT! That is crazy how does that happen?
I was chatting with a wife of a Vic Pol and she thinks that Police need to be educated on how to deal and understand domestic violence. Also sometimes they are conditioned and frustrated with going to the same houses and the women never leave. Which is not right however it gives us an understanding of their thought process. Again education!
Thanks guys for such an amazing thread, I love it.
Rx