Guest Post by Amanda Kidd from Parenting Clan
After giving birth women can take all the necessary care of her baby alone. A mother feeds her baby and takes care of its health. She knows about the child’s likes and dislikes. A baby starts listening, and speaking to her mother. Nobody is there with whom a baby feels safe and secure other than her mother.
So what’s the role of a father? Is a father simply a sperm donor? It’s not a big deal for many women to take care of her baby without the help of their husbands. So should we come to the conclusion that daddy is basically a valueless character in a child’s life and mother is everything? No, absolutely not! The real story is different.
A child’s life could be miserable without their parents. In our life there is an equal importance of sun and moon. Sunlight is harsh while moon gives soft light but the harsh light of sun provides life and similarly moon’s soft light shows us the way in dark. In this context daddy represents sun and mom represents moon. A father could be the pillar of a family. He can provide financial support and protect his child from all hazards. A child could grow after seeing his/her father’s morality, attitude, and politeness. Studies have figured out some interesting incidents like in many divorced cases where absence of father can make a child’s life miserable and that could have adverse impact on the overall development of the child. You’ll find many cases where a young girl becomes sexually active at an early age or an adolescent boy tends to do some criminal activities. If you try to find out the reasons for such cases you’ll see in most cases they are staying away from their fathers. Getting demoralized can’t be a reason for not having father but absence of father can really dishearten a child and it leads to unexpected behavior. A child needs mother’s love and daddy’s care for an overall growth and development.
A family that’s incomplete can rarely make a child complete. Mother is one that every child needs to survive but the presence of a caring father can make the family more happy, safe, and prosperous. Studies have shown that separated and divorced families are more likely to suffer from financial crisis. In such a condition child’s education can suffer a lot due to lack of sufficient money and that could make a negative impact on his/her mind. In today’s highly competitive market it’s very important to get proper education that can make the base of any individual’s future. In many cases it is found that a child who is staying with her mother can’t afford to pursue higher education. Yes, exceptions are always there but here we’re talking about the general scenario.
In the case of sudden death of father a child can understand gradually that father is no more and will never come back to provide help or support. But divorce is a different case. It’s really a tough situation for any child to accept that daddy does not like mother and do not bother what is going on in his life. This condition can easily depress a child feel.
We always give priority to our personal feelings but hardly feel about the responsibilities of our child. Every parent should understand and think from their child’s perspective. Love, faith, and respect are the key factors that can make a husband-wife relation stronger. Divorce destroys the child’s future. We need to understand the requirement of the child.
About the author: Amanda Kidd is a blogger who enjoys writing on parenting and lifestyle the most. Her blog posts related to parenting generally surrounds around issues like broken family, the experiences of new dads, single parenthood etc.
While I fully agree with your sentiments about every child needing a “caring” father in their lives, when that father is a danger to that child’s emotional and psychological well-being, has comitted a sex offence against a minor and has tried to teach the children to lie, surely not having him in their lives is a much healthier option?
Please do not generalise, not everyone in our society is “normal”. There are extremes – people with serious psychiatric and psychological issues who are dangerous to be around. The safety and well-being of the child always comes first, not having a father around.
Hey Dorothy,
You know the word “normal” is my least favourite word I hate it, there is no normal and nor should there be.
For sure we should always do what is right for ourselves and for our children. I’m from a broken home as well and to be honest it was the best thing they ever did because no one was happy and it was best for everyone. Did I have issues? Yes, I had father issues until recently and alot of self work has gone into it. However it was still the best decision for all of us.
As you know I believe that while there is resentment and blame there is no growth and you can’t move on but that’s always much easier to see once you have moved on.
Love your work chick
Rx
“In the case of sudden death of father a child can understand gradually that father is no more and will never come back to provide help or support.” Doesn’t make it any easier on the child as aposed to divorced parents. It’s tough, hard to accept and takes years if ever to overcome.
The child looses a part of themselves in the process and it can be difficult to get that back.
The absence of either parent is hard, not just the father.
At the end of the day if children have good role models of each sex in their lives that they can lean on, trust and ultimatley help them grow, then thats a win win situation.
“We always give priority to our personal feelings but hardly feel about the responsibilities of our child. Every parent should understand and think from their child’s perspective. Love, faith, and respect are the key factors that can make a husband-wife relation stronger. Divorce destroys the child’s future. We need to understand the requirement of the child.”
How I interpret this is that we shouldn’t get divorced solely because of the child’s future and that it will make their life tough. What about the parents future and personal wellbeing and happiness? You cannot continue to live under the same roof just for the sake of the children…it causes too much tension and unhappiness and the children pick up on those negative vibes…it is far from healthy for all in the household.
Whilst some of this post makes sense, personally for me it’s an old and outdated way of looking at it. That the father is the financial provider and protector…why can’t the mother do that and the father the stay at home dad? That you must remain together forever, and think about the child’s happiness before your very own.
Melinda I love your points! “At the end of the day if children have good role models of each sex in their lives that they can lean on, trust and ultimately help them grow, then that’s a win win situation.”
I couldn’t agree more. I was living in a family that “Stayed together for the sake of the kids” and it was miserable for everybody. So it was a good day when they did finally part.
Now I have children of my own and knowing my issues growing up and as an adult I like to teach and show my girls how love is suppose to be and set an example of what a great relationship is about. So hopefully as they get older they too can find a great partner.
Thank you so much for sharing!
Rx