Why Being a Shit Parent Makes Me the Best Parent in the World

I was the perfect parent before I had kids: strict, firm with the perfect balance of fun and playfulness. When I thought about pregnancy I was one of those Mothers who would flaunt her body everywhere and to anyone who wanted to look. I was always in complete control, I had SO much time on my hands “because it’s so easy having a baby”. You have oodles time on your hands because there isn’t much to do therefore it made perfect sense to start a business…I would have nothing else to do? I had always wanted my own business and there it was never a right time so this was perfect timing. As my children would be so perfect with the right mix of spunk, personality and respect who never misbehaved.

 

Then I had children….

 

My perfect world came crashing down with 9 months of living hell while sporting more spots then 15 year old and with an extra 30kg of goodness on me who on earth wants to flaunt this body and please don’t look at me because I can’t even look at myself. In fact I refuse to look at myself in the mirror from behind because what the hell was going on with my arse?

 

But it’s all good because once I have the baby I’m free to do whatever I like, workout and work on my business because I’m going to have an abundance of time…..not so much. OK let’s refresh! I’ve stopped work which I loved by the way and apparently I’m not going back for a while. I have 30kg to lose and more spots then a 15 year old NOW I have the biggest breasts I’ve seen in my entire life so much so I think I need to name them because they have just taken on a life of there own. So I’m like is breastfeeding goddess right? Wrong, I hate it with a passion and god’s sake will you get off my breasts because you’re killing them. Apparently I have enough milk to feed an entire village and even my daughter can’t even keep up.

 

You can’t go back now Ren, it’s not like the millions of clothes you’ve returned.

 

Have a good support network they say….oh I do. But apparently you know they still have lives and work and you know have their own shit to do. So sayonara support network. Your partner needs to be….who are we kidding they go back to work and see them for 1 hour a day and you feel bad for asking for help during the night because they have to work. You know the place where it’s silent, you get heaps of breaks, alone time and you’re free to be alone with your thoughts….yeah that place boy how I long to be back there. With ALL this time I have go figure you can’t really function on 2 hours sleep and you have to be with it during the day because babies actually need constant attention so many feeds, so many nappies and they know when you’re not feeling the best and if you’re stressed they are stressed so you cant stress out now because otherwise you’re really going to have shit fight.

 

Because I have like sooooo much time I need to clean, wash, iron and cook dinner. What was that business I started? Oh yes…meanwhile your partner is back at work doing his thing and everyone’s life is going on as per normal so why am I the only one’s who’s life has too change? Why is it because I’m a woman, I’m expected to turn my life around, stop work and be this perfect parent? I don’t get it.

 

You find routine and you find your feet and because you can’t return it well you have to make this work.

 

Everyone says that you’ll feel instant connection with your baby, breastfeeding will come naturally to you and you’ll just “know” what to do. Well that’s bollocks, credit to you if it does but it’s not always the case. I didn’t feel a connection with my first until she was 8 weeks old and she was just finding her hand and eye co ordination, which is when I knew I loved her and she was mine and wanted to protect her. I hated breastfeeding it felt like an invasion of my privacy and it was just hard. I didn’t know what to do so I read, because I really wanted sleep and because I’m a control freak I need a routine to function otherwise I don’t. I’m not a go with flow girl never have been. I like structure and I like to know what’s going on then be flexible around that.

 

Do what works for you and don’t give a rats what others say.

 

As they get older and you feel obligated to take them swimming, go to the park, do craft, buy them anything and everything and you know teach them stuff. Be with them all the time and all that crap is also a load of bollocks.

 

I’m a business girl always have been always will be, I know what I need to do…I need to do a SWOT on my parenting

 

Strengths

• Time Management
• Routines
• Discipline (myself and my girls)
• Fun
• Balance
• Ensuring we have a healthy diet
• Enjoying life
• Setting and meeting our goals
• Balance of outside play, inside play, independent play and limit TV time
• Ensuring they have everything they need without giving them everything.

 

Weaknesses

• Craft- I HATE craft, drives me nuts and it makes a mess
• Organising schools, kinder (2 years in advance)
• Asking for help
• Remembering I have to teach them things like writing, reading, counting (when there in Kinder and school it’s obvious but before then???)

Opportunities

• Able to work from home
• Collaborate with other Mothers shared care, ideas with Mums who are strong in the areas I’m crap at i.e. craft etc

 

Threats

• The people who judge my parenting
• Surrounding myself with Mothers who aren’t congruent with my values
• Not being consistent
• Getting caught up in own “stuff” and not being present in my parenting
• Focusing on what I’m not doing as a parent instead of what I am doing
• Not trusting myself and listening to unwanted advice
• Losing myself in parenting and forgetting about myself….not refuelling me

 

I am enough as a parent, as a partner, as a friend and as a business owner. Everything I need to know is already inside me….I just have to listen.

Know your strengths and weaknesses so you can create a lifestyle and parenting technique that works for you and you’re family and don’t give a flying fuck what other people think.

 

Just be you because you’re already awesome.