Tuesday, June 27th, 2017

Why Being a Shit Parent Makes Me the Best Parent in the World

19

I was the perfect parent before I had kids: strict, firm with the perfect balance of fun and playfulness. When I thought about pregnancy I was one of those Mothers who would flaunt her body everywhere and to anyone who wanted to look. I was always in complete control, I had SO much time on my hands “because it’s so easy having a baby”. You have oodles time on your hands because there isn’t much to do therefore it made perfect sense to start a business…I would have nothing else to do? I had always wanted my own business and there it was never a right time so this was perfect timing. As my children would be so perfect with the right mix of spunk, personality and respect who never misbehaved.

 

Then I had children….

 

My perfect world came crashing down with 9 months of living hell while sporting more spots then 15 year old and with an extra 30kg of goodness on me who on earth wants to flaunt this body and please don’t look at me because I can’t even look at myself. In fact I refuse to look at myself in the mirror from behind because what the hell was going on with my arse?

 

But it’s all good because once I have the baby I’m free to do whatever I like, workout and work on my business because I’m going to have an abundance of time…..not so much. OK let’s refresh! I’ve stopped work which I loved by the way and apparently I’m not going back for a while. I have 30kg to lose and more spots then a 15 year old NOW I have the biggest breasts I’ve seen in my entire life so much so I think I need to name them because they have just taken on a life of there own. So I’m like is breastfeeding goddess right? Wrong, I hate it with a passion and god’s sake will you get off my breasts because you’re killing them. Apparently I have enough milk to feed an entire village and even my daughter can’t even keep up.

 

You can’t go back now Ren, it’s not like the millions of clothes you’ve returned.

 

Have a good support network they say….oh I do. But apparently you know they still have lives and work and you know have their own shit to do. So sayonara support network. Your partner needs to be….who are we kidding they go back to work and see them for 1 hour a day and you feel bad for asking for help during the night because they have to work. You know the place where it’s silent, you get heaps of breaks, alone time and you’re free to be alone with your thoughts….yeah that place boy how I long to be back there. With ALL this time I have go figure you can’t really function on 2 hours sleep and you have to be with it during the day because babies actually need constant attention so many feeds, so many nappies and they know when you’re not feeling the best and if you’re stressed they are stressed so you cant stress out now because otherwise you’re really going to have shit fight.

 

Because I have like sooooo much time I need to clean, wash, iron and cook dinner. What was that business I started? Oh yes…meanwhile your partner is back at work doing his thing and everyone’s life is going on as per normal so why am I the only one’s who’s life has too change? Why is it because I’m a woman, I’m expected to turn my life around, stop work and be this perfect parent? I don’t get it.

 

You find routine and you find your feet and because you can’t return it well you have to make this work.

 

Everyone says that you’ll feel instant connection with your baby, breastfeeding will come naturally to you and you’ll just “know” what to do. Well that’s bollocks, credit to you if it does but it’s not always the case. I didn’t feel a connection with my first until she was 8 weeks old and she was just finding her hand and eye co ordination, which is when I knew I loved her and she was mine and wanted to protect her. I hated breastfeeding it felt like an invasion of my privacy and it was just hard. I didn’t know what to do so I read, because I really wanted sleep and because I’m a control freak I need a routine to function otherwise I don’t. I’m not a go with flow girl never have been. I like structure and I like to know what’s going on then be flexible around that.

 

Do what works for you and don’t give a rats what others say.

 

As they get older and you feel obligated to take them swimming, go to the park, do craft, buy them anything and everything and you know teach them stuff. Be with them all the time and all that crap is also a load of bollocks.

 

I’m a business girl always have been always will be, I know what I need to do…I need to do a SWOT on my parenting

 

Strengths

  • Time Management
  • Routines
  • Discipline (myself and my girls)
  • Fun
  • Balance
  • Ensuring we have a healthy diet
  • Enjoying life
  • Setting and meeting our goals
  • Balance of outside play, inside play, independent play and limit TV time
  • Ensuring they have everything they need without giving them everything.

 

Weaknesses

  • Craft- I HATE craft, drives me nuts and it makes a mess
  • Organising schools, kinder (2 years in advance)
  • Asking for help
  • Remembering I have to teach them things like writing, reading, counting (when there in Kinder and school it’s obvious but before then???)

Opportunities

  • Able to work from home
  • Collaborate with other Mothers shared care, ideas with Mums who are strong in the areas I’m crap at i.e. craft etc

 

Threats

  • The people who judge my parenting
  • Surrounding myself with Mothers who aren’t congruent with my values
  • Not being consistent
  • Getting caught up in own “stuff” and not being present in my parenting
  • Focusing on what I’m not doing as a parent instead of what I am doing
  • Not trusting myself and listening to unwanted advice
  • Losing myself in parenting and forgetting about myself….not refuelling me

 

I am enough as a parent, as a partner, as a friend and as a business owner. Everything I need to know is already inside me….I just have to listen.

Know your strengths and weaknesses so you can create a lifestyle and parenting technique that works for you and you’re family and don’t give a flying fuck what other people think.

 

Just be you because you’re already awesome.

Comments

19 Responses to “Why Being a Shit Parent Makes Me the Best Parent in the World”
  1. madcow says:

    Beautiful …. love your work, Renee 🙂

    Also, please get out of my head!! Pahahaha

  2. Heather James says:

    Oh you make me laugh hard bella!

    I’m a shit parent too and hooray! 🙂

    Sitting here with dirty dishes around me, wishing they would just do themselves. Have bottles to make up but seriously I hate doing them, I can’t wait til bubba boy can eat food!

    Great tips here too well written!
    xx

  3. Love it!! There is no such thing as a ‘perfect’ parent!

  4. Glowless says:

    OMG you did a SWOT on your parenting! I love it.
    The biggest praise I gave myself for my parenting was that both my child and I survived the first year because I had no clue what I was doing. Correction, I still have no clue what I’m doing.
    Cheers to shit parenting!!!

  5. toushka lee says:

    I was like you! I started a degree when I got pregnant because of all that time I was going to have!
    I broke up with craft because of the mess, did my head in.

    • bustingout says:

      Thanks Guys!
      LOL Toushka what were we thinking 🙂
      Totally agree Glowless, we had a massive 1st birthday for my number 1 because I said “WE DID IT, WE MADE IT” totally worth celebrating 🙂
      Perfectly Imperfect Kellie x
      Thanks Heather! Yes I must say i stopped bottle feed bang on 12 months because I was so over feeding and washing and started toilet training at 22 months because I was over buying and changing nappies HAHA.
      Amanda *Getting out of your head* 🙂

  6. DrBron says:

    Congratulations! Your experiences, thoughts and feelings are very normal. Great post.

  7. DanniiBeauty says:

    Great post and I can relate to it so much.

    Its the perception that we think things will be perfect but reality hits and we soon find out its not.

    After being in the corporate world for 14yrs I have started my business but it is so much harder than I thought. The corporate world is so much easier – I am now having to juggle both.

    But I guess these things happen and eventually things will work out.

    • bustingout says:

      Hey Dannii,

      Hindsight is a beautiful thing ay 🙂 But that’s the beauty of it I guess now we know and we have the confidence to tackle anything, I find we ultitise our time much more now which is a great thing. My biggest learning curve has been to not think about the future (I’ll be happy when my business is ….) but instead know where I want to go but only focusing on what I can do TODAY to make that happen 🙂 Rock on Rx

  8. Kat Hudson says:

    omg u rock! you just said everything most of us business mums think!! I so thought the same things… realities a BITCH!

    x

    • bustingout says:

      Thanks Kat! I just find it crazy that we all have these thoughts at some stage or another and we don’t talk about them. If we all support each other in a non judgemental environment how cool would that be 🙂

  9. Karen says:

    So spot on! Thanks Renee, your posts are always a great read!

    • bustingout says:

      Thanks Karen, I really appreciate your feedback and I am so glad you’re enjoying them. If there is anything in particular you would like me to write about please feel free to email me 🙂 xxx

  10. Roseanne Barr said something like: “if you come home from work and the kids are still alive I have done my job” At first I laughed at this but then I thought you know what, it’s true – I like to think if they are happy and alive I’ve done my job, but who am I kidding, by 6pm when the man wanders in there’s usually tears and the boys are sometimes crying as well! LOL I’m like you just was better at managing million dollar budgets than extracting millions of poo particles from tracksuit pants… motherhood is the hardest job in the world. Thanks for sharing as don’t feel alone* anymore in my shitness… Nicole x

    *I think like one other person from my mother’s group is honest about how hard and shit it is – everyone else is like pitying you if you are honest acting as though they are living some earth mother fairy tale – pisses me off…sorry rant over now.

    • bustingout says:

      LOL Nicole! Totally agree, I see no point in pretending it is what it is and I am who I am. Keep it simple stupid while others may love being neck high in nappies and love doing craft…good luck to them I hate it 🙂

      Rx

  11. Dee Britton says:

    Awesome post Renee.
    Here I was thinking that I was the only really shit mother trying to juggle everything. My kids are a bit older but it doesn’t make it any easier. Wait until the teenage years 🙂 I love it when we are able to share stories and help each other know that we are not alone. Who is the perfect mother anyway? Well, to my kids apparently I am and that is all that matters xo

    • bustingout says:

      Exactly! We beat ourselves up all the time about what we’re not doing but you’re right our children love us just the way we are …….except when I say no, they dont really like me then 🙂 Rx

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