Tuesday, December 12th, 2017

Finding Youself and Being Congruent


Authentic Self

If I ask you “Who are you?” what would you say? “I’m a Mum”, “I’m a Dad, “I’m an accountant”. Most times it will be what you do or what your social status is. But that’s not who you are. Your authentic self is on another level that is real, genuine and from your heart space.

Experts describe it as:
The authentic self is the you that can be found at your absolute core. It is the part of you not defined by your job, function or role. It is the composite of all your skills, talents and wisdom. It is all of the things that are uniquely yours and need expression, rather than what you believe you are supposed to be and do.

Fictional Self/ Ego

Most people don’t live their authentic self, you may find yourself feeling incomplete and living in the salvation that you’ll be happy when…tomorrow, next week, when the kids grow, when I lose weight, when I have new house, when I have a new job. You may have found that it’s easier to fill the roles your family and friends expect of you, rather than becoming who you really want to be. Living this way drains you of the critical life energy you need to pursue the things you truly value.

When you live your life ignoring your true gifts and talents and performing assigned or inherited roles instead, you are living as your fictional self.

Your fictional self sends you false information about who you are and what you should be doing with your life. It blocks the information you need in order to maintain the connection with your authentic identity. Relying on information from your fictional self is like putting your trust in a broken navman, it will get you lost.

Being Congruent


Congruent is someone who is the same on the inside as they are on the outside. You’re living and being your Authentic Self…. You’re in total alignment. It may sound easy but it can be extremely difficult. Especially if you’re the type of person who spends their time pleasing other people to make their life easier and that includes your partner and your kids. Being congruent means not caring what other people think about you and knowing what you want without looking for validation from others.

Maybe there has been a time through out your life where you have been in alignment and congruent then something happened for that to change. But do you remember how good that felt? Don’t worry the best is yet to come and it starts now.

Society Says

We have be thin, we have to be successful, we have to be pretty, we have to be famous, we have to on TV, we have to do it when we’re young and the list goes on and on and quite frankly it’s bull shit. Most people live their lives trying to please other people without even thinking about what you want….you yes you and it’s not about “doing” something for someone else. What do you want? And you are not selfish for asking that question nor is it selfish to live your life being true to yourself…congruent.

Just as we lose ourselves we find ourselves and authenticity is a process that is constantly evolving. As we peel back the layers we will redefine who we are but there is no gold at the end of the rainbow because each layer is gold as long as you are always the some on the outside as what you are on the inside. Do this and you not only set yourself free but all those around you.



4 Responses to “Finding Youself and Being Congruent”
  1. madcow says:

    Perfect timing for me, Renee and very well said.

    I’m a people pleaser. Sadly, I often forget to please me!

    You’re right, it is hard. I find not only the social pressures to be/do/say whatever (or not be/do/say!) is constant, but that some people find it ok to challenge you on who you are by being mean and nasty and personal – that’s what I find harder to accept.

    Challenge me, by all means, but be *congruent* about it yourself! And apply some self control 🙂

    Nice work, Nee

    • bustingout says:

      You know Amanda I think that people who are mean and nasty they haven’t found themselves and they not congruent therefore they can only lash out.


  2. Kira says:

    Hey Renee,

    This one was timed well for me too, I’ve just spent the weekend thinking about who I really am and stepping out of being just a mother/pregnant woman/wife. I’ve realized that if I expand my identity and be more congruent to who I really am I’ll have the confidence to achieve so much more! Great post Renee love your work.
    Kiz xo

    • bustingout says:

      It’s so easy to feel persuaded by others and even the pressure we put on ourselves as to what we think we should do/be as a Mother but good on you for allowing yourself to look within and you’re so right you will achieve so much more.


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