Monday, December 11th, 2017

Intimacy After Losing a Loved One


Guest post by Vicki Nomura from Brave and Beyond

How to open up to your partner after losing a loved one and move forward…intimately

Losing a loved one is a very emotional and difficult time.  Sometimes we feel sadness and loneliness when grieving our loss and find it hard to open up to those around us.  It can also be a hard time for those in our lives as they struggle with how too console you and give you the support you need.

It is easy to fall into the trap of isolation when grieving and our loved ones may feel helpless and alone in knowing how to deal with it also.

It’s only natural to feel alone when you have lost someone so dear to you, you may not realise it however you may even feel like you’ve been abandoned and almost scared to allow yourself to be loved in fear of losing someone again because the pain is so great. You may even become reserved and hold back on your true feelings and affection. Although the fear of getting hurt again is scary you need to think about living truly living because something that your loved one wouldn’t want is for you to live your life feeling empty, there is no greater gift then unconditional love so don’t deny yourself of that.

When going through a loss it is beneficial to share and release and talking to others can help discover perspective, gain support, understanding and insight on ways to deal with it.

Sharing feelings can be challenging and there are many different ways in which we can share to make the process easier, a few examples are –

  • Plan an evening and dedicate it to share feelings and memories
  • Go to a neutral place, somewhere calming like the beach or a park to reconnect and talk about your loss
  • Write a letter, if speaking about it is hard

When sharing, listen to each other in a supportive way, give each other the space to be open to one another’s feelings creating a loving and unconditional momentum.  The process of sharing will help you and your partner to reconnect, form a deeper relationship and intimately move forward.  Creating and maintaining your relationship with your partner will help the healing process in a positive way. Allow yourself to go through the grieving process-

  • Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
  • Anger:Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
  • Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
  • Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
  • Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”

It is overwhelming losing someone special, celebrate the good times you had with them and use this time to cherish the relationships with those around you now.

 Image source the space in between

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